CARNEGIE INTERNATIONAL
2013
FROM VEILS TO THONGS was included in the Carnegie International 2013 in the Bidoun Exhibit because it was found on the streets of Cairo one month before the Revolution
2nd Round Draft pick, Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award, 2012
2nd place 2015 TAZ Awards
"If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh... Otherwise, they'll kill you"
- Oscar Wilde
NOTE:
Please read disclaimer in About this Book before continuing to read the following
Chapter 1:
How to Get Married Without Really Trying
Chapter 5:
The Wife Material Olympics... Live from Dubai!
The Real War on Terror...
Chapter 14:
Why we're like Royalty...
On Marriage…
Marriage is to Arabs what baseball is to Americans—their national pastime—except that it is much more fast-paced, even when the players are on steroids.
It’s actually more like basketball–Hell, it’s March Madness! High speed, high energy, and rapid scoring!
Chapter 20:
Restaurants, Real Estate & Retail:
The Universal Language of Immigrants
The Three R’s
*As understood by Americans: Reading Writing and Arithmetic.
*As understood by Immigrants: Restaurants, Real Estate, and Retail.
(Uhh ... how come the immigrants managed to get the three that actually start with the letter R? ...Hmmm... Interesting.)
Oh, but clearly, that's not enough for us. I mean, we own the world's largest restaurant. Literally.
Damascus Gate in Damascus, Syria is certified by The Guinness Book of World Records as the largest restaurant in the world, seating 6,014 people. Go figure.
What is wrong with us. We're so weird.
On the similarities between Arabs and the Aswaad ...(African-Americans)
The Aswaad? Well, they have interesting demonstrations, too, but, for some reason, they tend to be referred to as “riots.” Come to think of it, our demonstrations have a
different name too; they tend to be referred to as “uprisings.” Hmmm...Interesting.
But, the Aswaad represent! They sure do! And sometimes they shoot off guns too, but mostly when they get mad. Like when an entire city police department’s officers are acquitted after a video tape shows them beating the s**t out of an unarmed Black man. Those kinds of things, I don’t know, just sort of gets to them, I guess.
Disclaimer
The above example is used to demonstrate a point, not to incite any tension or violence. The author recognizes that a**holes come in all shapes, sizes and colors. And that there are good cops and bad cops and good citizens and bad citizens.
But in the spirit of discrimination (just kidding!) In the spirit of good relations, let’s continue.
Chapter 19:
Why Kids Drink & Drive in the Middle East... And why it's Okay!
Proof! ...
Look carefully at the liquid level in my bottle versus his!
Chapter 10:
What they don't want you to know:
Hip Hop has its roots in the streets of
Damascus
Chapter 15:
The Sperm in the Air Theory
My Second Book...
Sito's 15Minute MediterraneanMeals
A cookbook written by 2 sisters, Leila & Dalel Khalil, owners of Khalil's Restaurant, manufacturers of
Sito's Mediterranean Salad Dressing...
It's true!
Dalel Khalil is the first and only person in the entire history of the world who has co-written a cookbook and who owns a restaurant, who cannot cook to save her life.
But... she was forced to test all these recipes... and if she can do it... so can you!
