Generally, I stay out of religion and politics.
I have to.
It’s a matter of maintaining my sanity and a healthy blood pressure level. I used to write for the news, now I can barely watch it. My blood pressure literally soars and sometimes I get so frustrated that I can’t express myself right.
FYI: I’m all about full disclosure and disclaimers. So, here it goes. I am a Christian girl. In fact, I’m an Arab Christian girl. I have absolutely no right to speak about Sharia Law, which is practiced in Saudi Arabia. I am not an expert; I did not get a PhD in Islamic studies. And to be honest, I don’t even think it has remotely anything to do with religion whatsoever…ahhh…buuuut that’s another blog. At any rate, plain and simple, it is not my place to comment. So, as a general rule, I usually keep my mouth shut about things that I don’t know about—and only talk about the things that I do.
But every once in a while, I just have to put in my 2 cents.
By the way, that would be MY 2 cents.
Yup, all mine.
So, if I’ve overpaid, well then, I guess I just have to slap myself.
Let me also say that I have a couple of very good Saudi Arabian male friends. Friends of my own brother, who are like brothers to me, who I know, would NEVER slap a woman. EVER. And would literally beat a man silly if they ever laid a hand on me. They are honorable, good men, as so many are.
But I feel for my Saudi sisters in this predicament. I really do.
According to recent news reports, a Saudi Arabian judge told a group of women attending a domestic violence seminar that under the Law, a husband has the right to slap his wife if she overspends his money. He reportedly said “”if a person gives SR 1,200 [$320] to his wife and she spends 900 riyals [$240] to purchase an abaya [the black cover that women in Saudi Arabia must wear] from a brand shop and if her husband slaps her on the face as a reaction to her action, she deserves that punishment.”
Let me repeat.
“…she deserves that punishment.”
What’s a girl to do?
What’s a girl to do?
Suppose she is given $320 to go shopping, say for example for an upcoming wedding. By the way, who does that boy think he is giving out a mere $320—and he’s a SAUDI? Is he crazy? What kind of budget is that? What in the world can you buy for $320 in a Kingdom where floor tiles are made of gold? Clearly, Saudi man is NOT doing the shopping around the house. Plus, for him, isn’t that like equivalent to $25 bucks to the rest of us?
So anyways, girlfriend is given $320 to go shopping for an upcoming wedding. There’s a huge blow out sale at Saudi Macy’s and she discovers that these gorgeous to-die-for Louis Vuitton handbags, normally going for $250 are selling at 50% off! She buys them, but discovers that she doesn’t have the right shoes to match! She just can’t go around with mismatched shoes! So, she shops and shops and shops, exhausting herself, searching around for a bargain. She’s an Arab chick, so naturally, she’s going to WANT to get a bargain for her own satisfaction. It’s just naturally in her blood, plus, being an Arab girl, she instinctively knows how to bargain down the price (as I explained in my last blog, Restaurants, Real Estate and Retail).
So girlfriend, is out in the mall, truly working it; trying to find the best deal that she possibly can without overspending. She’s working hard, out there trying her best. She’s eyeing some $795 Christian Louboutin’s but forces herself to look away. The temptation is too great. A $350 pair of Cole Haan’s is calling her name—impossible! That’s more than her entire budget! She silences its voice. And the $820 Jimmy Chos is just enough to make her scream and pull every hair out of her head! She’s about to lose it! Her mind races, the pressure is on! Talk about torture! Where is she going to find a pair of stilettos to fit in her budget? Girlfriend is panicking inside. She dashes out of the store. Just half way down the mall, Nordstrom’s has these killer stilettos with rhinestones laced up the side going for 75% off! Prices are slashed! Normally selling for $125 but on sale—TODAY ONLY—for a whopping $31.25! Unbelievable! It’s a miracle! Finally! So, now she’s got the handbag and the matching shoes.
So, let’s see, $320 minus $125…equals $195… plus the shoes at $31.25… $163.75 okay…that means we’ve got…let’s see…$320 minus $163.75 equals…Wait did I do that right?
Wait…hold on… $320 minus $163.75 equals….okay, I think I got it…. equals $155.
UGHHH! It’s not fair! She’s out shopping all day running from store to store to store trying to find the best sale! And it’s not fair! Because if she does get the handbag and shoes, then what about her hair? Because now Reema, her friend, just got new highlights and if Reema has new highlights, and she just has her regular old boring hair color. Well that’s not right. Highlight treatments are expensive! Plus you gotta factor in the tip for the hair washing girl. That’s at least $7 bucks there. Then another separate tip for the eyebrow waxing girl—at least $10. And yet another tip for the actual hairdresser! So, we got the hair washing girl tip…$7….wax girl tip comes to $10…plus hairdresser tip…$20…So, let’s see….7 + 10 + 20 …THAT’S $37 IN TIPS ALONE!!! THAT’S INSANE!
(Isn’t there some kind of reality shopping show like this out there? I swear, this sounds too familiar, there’s gotta be one!)
And what about a pedicure? If all the women at the wedding are going to be dancing and showing off their new stilettos, they’ve gotta show off their pretty toes! What if all the girls have French manicured toenails, except her? That’s not right! And we didn’t even get to the dress, yet! The DRESS! Let alone the freekin’ wedding gift!
It’s wrong! Just plain wrong!
But don’t forget, Ladies…Whatever you do, whatever happens…Don’t swear or use offensive language to your husband…No matter how utterly frustrated you might get.
I swear, what a world of difference a Dollar Store Chain in Riyadh would make. Imagine that? No one would ever get slapped! And if she did, then she really WOULD deserve it. $320 in a Dollar Store, and you’re still coming out short? Sorry girls, I’m siding with the guys on that one. I’d slap her my damn self.
But girls don’t fret.
We can get through this! Don’t be discouraged! I’m here to help. We can work around this silly little male-egoI-own-you-and-you-are-like-a-child-not-a-life-partner budgeting problem. We’re strong women, we’re smart women, we’re bargain queens—and we’re not going to crumble under pressure! Let’s show ’em girls! We can play just as hard!
If you return the 2 shirts that you bought last week at Nordstrom’s—actually if you just present the receipt itself—you can keep 1 shirt and the sales lady will just discount it to the original sale price, which was 50% more. So, you can keep that extra money. And the extra shirt.
Plus then if you charge it on your department store credit card that’s an additional 10% off, plus with the store coupon its 35% …but you have to use the coupon between 7am and 9am — on Super Saturday only. Plus with the Mother’s Day Sale it’s an additional 15% off—Doors open at 7am sharp, ladies!
You can do this! You can do this!
Keep thinking positive girls!
Plus, if you go to “Saudi Supercuts” instead of “Salon De Marie Jean”, and you wash your own hair at home by yourself first, and then just have them cut it. You can cut costs there, too. And, if you leave the salon with your hair still wet, you know, not styled or anything, I think you save an additional $10-$15 bucks. Plus think of all the money you’ll be saving in tips! Whoa! You could probably afford buy a second pair of stilettos! Because in Saudi Supercuts, the hair washing girl, wax girl and hairdresser are all the same people, so you only have to tip once!
Pretty savvy, huh?
We’re getting there, girls. We’re getting there.
Here’s another really important bonus tip:
Not only can you do your husband’s laundry…But you can also launder his money!
Betcha didn’t think about that as a super-savings tip, now did ya?
And believe me, girls, all that pocket change adds up real quick. When you go to select supermarkets, ask for cash back, that way you keep like $50 in your pocket and the withdrawal just shows up on your statement. And, come on, your husband never actually READS the statement, he just looks at the final total, and screams his head off about it, so he’ll never know. (wink, wink ;)
We’re making progress!
Okay … $240 minus $85 with the coupon … plus with the Special Mother’s Day Dollar Discount, you get an additional 15%….Okay, so that’s $125 minus $50…Okay…let me see where we’re at here…we got the shoes…hair’s done…and the pedicure….what are we missing? ….Something’s missing… Something’s definitely missing….Hold on…Wait a minute…hold on…..Shoes…pedicure…oh yeah, the highlights …Okay….Wow! We’ve got $60 bucks left to go…WOW! WE DID IT! WE DID IT! WOW! THIS IS GREAT! YES WE CAN! YES WE CAN! YES WE CAN! Honey, after all that work—plus, coming in under budget with $60 to spare? Unbelievable! You go girl!
I’M TELLING YOU! THE ONLY KIND OF SLAP THAT THIS GIRL DESERVES IS A STRAIGHT UP HIGH FIVE! YOU GO GIRL!
I say, go treat yourself to lunch with the girls! Blow all $60 on the Chinese Buffet!
Jeez…doesn’t that make you feel better? I know I do.
It’s just a good feeling not to get slapped, isn’t it?
And men should feel good, too. At least that one guy who just divorced his 8 year old wife, should. He’s actually coming out ahead. Way ahead. He has no idea of how good he has it now. I mean, if you think about it, the overall financial burden of being married to her would definitely have cost him way more than the divorce itself.
I mean, come on, after all, no doubt, she would have spent money like crazy! 8 years old? Are you kidding me? All that ever comes out of 8 year old mouths are “Can you buy me this?… Can you buy me that?…I want this!… I want that!…” Being 8 years old and all, she just might have wanted to buy a pretty flowered pink scooter…
Oh wait…I’m sorry.
Silly me, that wouldn’t happen.
What am I thinking?
Women can’t drive.
By the way…
The first time a man ever touches me like that…
will be his last.